When I was younger, I used to really enjoy singing. Everyone I came in contact with loved my voice. I was in All State Chorus my 5th and 6th grade year. I attributed my love of music and my tone to the fact that my mom was a concert pianist, and music was a very big part of me growing up. For so many years when people would gush about me being a good singer I just thanked them and went on my way. I thought everyone was just being nice. I mean I appreciated that they enjoyed my voice, but I never thought anything about it. It wasn't until later in life when I a friend of mine asked me to sing "At Last" at her mom's wedding, that I really realized I had a gift. The response was unreal, most of these people didn't know me and they went out of their way to tell me how much they enjoyed my voice.
Since I sang at the wedding a couple of years ago, I have been very timid to do any type of singing at all. It was almost as if, once I realized I was really good. I didn't want to. Once people realized I could sing, they expected more from me. They expected me to be good, what if I messed up.
Upon starting this blog, I knew I could write sentences, I also knew that I had a way with words. I could not, however, have ever predicted that this would be such a hit. So many people enjoy my words, whether it is the honesty or the way it flows I am not sure. But I do know, that last night's post was hard for me to post. A lot like before in my life when I stopped singing, once people recognized my talent I felt that their expectations had changed - that was not something I felt prepared to handle.
When I was doing all my pre-decision research I came accross an article about why some people are actualloy afraid of losing weight. I was very interested, because I had just been involved in a pretty serious conversation with my best friend (who happens to be a psychology major) and we were just discussing what reasons I could possibly have for being afraid. The article here talked about how overweight people are held to a different standard and a lot of times less is expected of them. In a way, this makes us feel safe. So I prefer when less or nothing is expected of me, and I don't know why.
But ... I am determined to exceed expectations. I want you all to expect me to sing, dance, lose this weight and write as often as possible. Hold me to that, because it is disrespectful to my Creator, if He has chosen to bless me with these talents, and I choose not to use them, or to cover them up because I am afraid of the reaction of others.