Friday, March 23, 2012


I want to start by apologizing for the gap in blog posts, I know many have you have been concerned or even just curious about how my journey is going up to this point.  Not only have I not felt like blogging, but I have a real issue with being negative.  I don’t want to come across as someone who is unhappy, so I have tried to put this off as long as I could.
My mom has been on my case for weeks to write, so here it is ma – the best I got.
Today is my 35th day sans solid food.  I have been mad, sad, sick, tired, lonely, and confused for the past month.  Every emotion has hit me besides the one that I was welcoming – pride & joy.  So many people have made the comment that I am one of the strongest people they know, or that my strength is encouraging.  While I appreciate those sentiments, I cannot help but want to scream NO I AM NOT – I AM HUNGRY, I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE THIS!!! I haven’t yet been depressed, because even in the midst of all these negative emotions I do see the light at the end of this journey.  As of March 10th, I had lost 50 lbs.  I have not weighed since then (I plan on doing that on Monday).  But my friends are able to tell, and I am starting to be able to notice a significant change in different body parts (hands, feet, face, butt). 
Along with the nausea the worst thing I have encountered is the “ketonic” breath I have developed.  Which, I am told, means my body is metabolizing my fat – but it tastes horrible (and I can only imagine what it smells like).
On a positive note, my birthday was Monday – and I was able to experience my first birthday sans cake, ice cream, dinner, and drinks.  Some friends and I bowled Saturday, played Bunco Sunday, and my parents cleaned my house/yard on my actual BDAY – not to mention my roommate filled our living room with balloons.  So … who needs cake & ice cream!?! J I may even consider skipping it next year if the same rules apply.
So for now, it is still water, Crystal Light, & Sugar Free Popsicles.  Next week I will be able to start soft/mushy foods, and I have never been so excited about tuna fish in my entire life.  My stomach only holds 4oz at a time, so while I will have to eat like a bird – the taste and texture is what I miss the most.
A big thanks to everyone that has loved and supported me through this.  I WILL beat this! I WILL NOT lose myself.  The best is yet to come.  But let me just say – there is NO WAY I would have been able to do this without my parents.  They are, after all, my biggest fans!
“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God … He gives strength to the weary and strengthens the powerless.  Youths may faint and grow weary, and young men stumble and fall, but those who trust in the Lord will renew their strength; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not faint.” ß Isaiah (Thanks Lynn)

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Good with the Bad

My one week post-op appointment was today with my surgeon.  I have been struggling to reach my minimum 64oz of fluids each day, and not even came close to my goal of 60g proteins each day - so I was dreading this follow up visit.  I hit the scales and was 46 pounds down, 7 points lower on my BMI, and my excercise physiologist said that I was way ahead of schedule. 

The bad news for me is that I have three more weeks on this FREAKING (for lack of a better word) liquid diet. The emotional/mental ailments associated with this procedure, are lurking (I can feel them).  Also I have developed a transfer addiction (sorry folks, not as exciting as you'd hope) Vampire Diaries. 

While I love spending time at home with my mom, I am excited to go back to work, see my friends again, and love on the sweet babies in my life.  Thanks everybody for your kindness and support.  Hold tight ... the ride has not yet begun to get good.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Back at it!

Today is Post-Op Day #4. I am experiencing minimal pain (almost like someone kicked me in the gut). I am experiencing a little buyer's remorse (I really want a normal meal). I am also experiencing strange gurgling from my new stomach. Other than those things this process has been tolerable. I've received some gorgeous flowers and sweet cards from friends and family. One more week at my parent's and I'll be back among the living.