Friday, July 6, 2012

Celebrations & Mournings

This week marks two huge events in my young adult life.  I have reached 100 lbs loss since my surgery, and I have also experienced my first loss of a friend. 

Saturday morning of last week I was at work when I received the call that my dear friend, Michael Willinger, had been killed in a car accident.  I couldn't believe it - refused to believe it - until I spoke to my mom moments later who was already in tears.  Within the next two hours I felt every emotion one could feel - regret, joy, sorrow, confusion, anger, anxiety, love, but most of all I felt empty.  Other than the loss of my paternal grandparents I have experienced NO loss in my life.  I have been very fortunate.  This news rocked my world.  Immediately I began to rack my brain about the last time I saw Michael.  The week before he had come to my neighbor's house to help putting up a pool.  I instantly regretted not giving Michael a hug.  He, like his twin brother Marcus, had the best hugs ever.  He was hot and sweaty and I was in a bad mood - so I didn't.  Please if you are reading this ALWAYS hug those you love - ALWAYS.  The week to follow was hard.  The arrangements were made for Friday, due to Fourth of July holiday, and the fact that Michael was one of twelve siblings that had to travel to Kentucky from all over the country.  At the funeral, the pastor gave an opportunity for loved ones to speak out in memory of Michael.  There were so many things I should have said, if only I could.  There was no way at that point in the service I would have been able to mutter coherent sentences.  So I decided to blog what I would like to say so that I have the chance to say it.

I met Michael in elementary school.  He was much younger than I, but his brothers were great friends of mine.  When Michael was in middle school he became good friends with my brother, Max.  Michael, his twin Marcus, their friend Jamison, and Max were always together - getting into something.  For the next 8 years, off and on, I saw Michael on occasion and he always brought such joy into my life.  He had a laugh, a smile, and hug incomparable to any other.  During Michael's service his mom and dad were both able to speak of the fact that the joy they felt while parenting Michael held no comparison to the sorrow that they are feeling at this moment.  They said that they would live with this much pain for the rest of their lives to do it all again.  I feel the same way about being his friend.  He brought me so much more joy in his life than he has sorrow in his death.  I am sure that I will see Michael smiling on the other side one day, and I am getting that hug - even if he is hot and sweaty.  Michael has left behind 11 siblings, 6 of whom I am very close to - I intend to hug every one of them everytime I see them as well. 

So in conclusion, while I have met one of my 100 lbs goals - there are far greater things weighing on my heart and mind.  As I continue to heal my spirit, my body will continue to get to where it needs to be.  Thank you all for your continued support, and I apologize for these longs lapse of entries.  Keep my mind, body and spirit in your prayers.