Sweet Summertime

As promised, I would like to do a series on Date Night Fun. Last Christmas I put together a "Date Jar" for Ray's sister and Brother in Law. This basically consisted of 52 dates written on popsicle sticks. I even went as far as to color-code them according to the season they were appropriate for (ie Summer Dates written on yellow and red sticks, Fall Dates written on Orange, etc) With Summer just around the corner - here are the date ideas I came up with.

Picnic Date - Whether you head to a local park or simply put a quilt in the backyard, pack some sandwiches, fresh fruits and vegetables, and some chips or pretzels and head out. Don't forget drinks! We recommend a pitcher of Pineapple Mango Mimosas and bottles of water. For our Pineapple Mango Mimosas we used Kroger Orange Pineapple Juice and Svedka Mango Pineapple Vodka.

Mexican Date - On night's where a Taco Bar just seems like too much energy, we head to our local favorite Mexican restaurant - Papa Grande. Try something new! It will make a staple restaurant feel like a fresh new experience. If you go to Papa Grande -
try the Burrito Tropicale! And don't forget to make your margarita a Jumbo Margarita!

Grilling Steaks - Be sure to pick your favorite cut of meat, bake some potatoes and head outside for dinner a la fresco. We add in some Louis Armstrong Pandora for an added romantic element.

Riverfront Date Night - If the Riverfront is not an option, pick your favorite scenery spot - whether a park or the top of hill - for a leisurely walk. Hold hands and make a point to smile, only if it's comfortable. I have found that it makes walking and nature feel a little romantic.

Outdoor Movie Date Night - Whether you can project a movie on the side of your house and get comfortable with pillows and blankets, or attend the drive in movie theatre and get comfortable in the back of a truck. Popcorn and outdoor movies are always fun to share!

Baseball Game - Whether it is at a 5 year old's tee ball game or at a sunset Cinncinnatti Reds game, we have had so much fun at the ball field. The Bowling Green Hot Rods and Evansville Otters are both fairly close!

Nacho Bar & Tequila Shots - Brown some ground beef, Shred some chicken and sautee some shrimp, once you add all the fixings - the Nacho Bar will let you eat as much as or as little as you want. Add in some tequila shots (we chase with pickle juice) for some adult fun.

DIY Project Date Night - Recently we planted an herb garden and lit up our back deck in DIY Project Dates. This is a fun way to get things done while enjoying each other. Plus who doesn't love watching a hard working man ?!? ;)

Miniature Golf and Go Karts - Competition keeps things fun, you could always add "stakes" to the game (ie feet rub, back scratch, etc) Cotton Candy, Soft Pretzels or Funnel Cakes are an added element of fun. There is something refreshing about acting young for the night!

Board Games and Home-Made Pizzas - Yahtzee, Monopoly, Sorry are some favorites of ours for game night. The trick to Home-Made Pizza is CHEESE. Wine goes really well with Board Games and Pizza. (We added some of our fresh basil to our pizza from our above mentioned Herb Garden)

Barbecue & Beer - Another night of fun is firing up the grill - barbecuing some hamburgers or chicken thighs. Anything goes with burgers and chicken to drink, but there is something about an iced cold bud light (or in my case a Cherry-Rita) at dusk. If you put on some 90's Pandora - it makes for a relaxing nostalgic night.

Winery Date - There is not much better than unlimited free wine tasting! Different cheeses add varieties of tastes to wine - so consider tasting a couple different types. We have recently tried a wine that both of us highly recommend called Frost Bitten. While I have not yet been to the winery here in Owensboro - I have heard good things!! We traveled the short distance to French Lick, because the French Lick Red Wine is my jam!!

Enjoy your Dates this summer with someone you can easily vibe with! Whether it be your best friend, an old friend, your love, your mom, your dad, a new friend or a group of people! I have found if you focus more on the experience and the people you are with - you can turn any outing into a damn good time! In encouraging my little brother to get out and date, I often use the line "Go on dates! Some of them will be bad - but those make for good stories. You have to have bad ones with the good ones!" In all honesty though, I haven't had a bad one yet!

Falling in Love and Lists

To start, I would like to say that this blog is no longer going to be focused on the physical aspect of my health. I will, undoubtedly get into my physical health at some point in my blogging, but for reasons I will explain later, this blog is now going to explore different aspects of my health as a whole. Emotional, mental, spiritual, financial (yikes!), social all of these aspects I will touch on and elaborate on. I can still promise honesty, humor, and rawness (at times I am sure you will still think - TMI) I still promise my foul mouth and anecdotal memories. I just want to take the focus off of my weight. Can I say that again?!? I. WANT TO TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OF MY WEIGHT.

Okay, so a lot has happened in the past 4 years of my life (while I took a break from blogging). I have had several new experiences, traveled to various new domestic locations, experienced loss and joy. But perhaps the biggest news in my adult life, I am in love for the first time. A fun, exciting, feels like home type of love. Falling in love has been the most ridiculous, fun, scary and confusing thing I have ever done.

In March of 2014 I was pretty busy on the internet dating scene. Beings that I was in a fresh new body had a new lease on life - I was ready to have some fun! Initially I thought that I was interested in dating! Like going to dinner, seeing movies, going to ball games. All these are things that my peers had been doing since they were 16 or 17 years old, but I had not yet experienced them. Here's the thing though - I HAD experienced them. I had experienced them with friends. I had experienced them with family. I had conditioned myself into thinking that I was missing out because I didn't have a boyfriend. If I had only known then. So, back to what I was saying, I THOUGHT I was interested in dating. But the more I experienced online dating and men of an appropriate dating age - the more I realized that it wasn't them that I was after. It was attention!! It was approval!!! It was a "good morning beautiful" from a total stranger? I know it doesn't sound right, but anyone of you that suffers from low self esteem knows what feeling I am talking about. After meeting several different guys and developing what are still what I consider great friendships, I met Ray. Lord, have mercy! THAT SMILE. Initially, I dismissed Ray as being too cute or too much of a ladies' man - but as he pursued me I thought to myself "Okay? Let's try this! Let's have dinner and hang out, at the very least, maybe he will become another great friend!" In April of 2014 I invited Ray to have dinner with myself and a couple of my friends. I was going to cook my famous Baked Spaghetti (like I always do when trying to impress). Ray showed up with his million dollar smile and two bottles of wine and the rest is history. We caught like wild fire.

We were INSTANT friends. Both of us had convinced ourselves that we didn't want serious relationships but that we really enjoyed being around each other so we were just going to do our best at communicating our feelings and see how that went. It was fun, but it was rough too. Like anybody that involves too many people in their business, the more people there are involved - the more opinions are shared. And not all of them are welcomed OR encouraging. I will be the first to say that in 2014 - my friends and my family were my "other half". If that makes sense to anyone, they were who I called when I made a big decision or when I got a promotion or when my car broke down or if I simply needed someone to go to the movies with me. So it is 100% my fault that so many different opinions and advice were given.

Cut forward to May of 2017 and here we are. We have traveled to Panama City, Cincinatti, French Lick, Nashville, New Orleans, Huntsville, Boonville, Buzzard Rock. We have tried new foods like Alligator, Ek Mek, Veal, and Haricot Vers. This year it is an effort, but we have been able to maintain our Weekly Date Night Routine. Whether it is Grilling Steaks and listening to jazz music on our deck, going to Lowe's for new flowers and herbs for our garden, or attending a Paint and Sip Painting class. So ... that leads me to the second point I was wanting to make.

I am addicted to lists. It started when I was much younger. I would spend hours practicing my penmanship in both cursive and print. I would go through the alphabet for various topics and try to think of words to associate with each (ie Fruits: Apples, Bananas, Concord Grapes, etc; Girls Names: Alivia, Beverly, Caroline, etc) Literally hours of my childhood and teenage years were spent on such lists. This past time/hobby of mine, while making me an incredible Scattergories player, never proved to be much of an asset to my adult years - or at least it hasn't so far. I do, however, get the occasional text from one of my girlfriends saying "Help me! AK has a show and tell tomorrow and the letter is Y. I am stuck!" However,lately I have combined this weird quirky hobby of mine to use with something that else that I am addicted to - PEOPLE. Date Night, Girls Night, Dinner Dates, Coffee Dates, etc.and have come up with several (52 to be exact) fun, new date night ideas!! I want to REITERATE that this does not have to be "dating your spouse" only. As my first 30 years have proven - Mother/Daughter Date, Dad/Daughter Date, Girlfriend Dates, Group Dates - they ALL count. They are ALL experiences to be had, all experiences to be enjoyed. So my first blog series is going to be on Dating Ideas!!

Hope you guys enjoy! It has been way too long. XOXO

To Be Loved

Okay, so I know I have been MIA. I need to get some things off my chest, plus so many of you have asked me to start up my blogs again. So for an update on my health: I am on my 22nd month post-surgery, and am still 100 lbs down. I have gained a little bit of my weight back, but for the most part I have maintained my healthy eating habits. My main obstacles are liquid calories (in the form of wine and beer) and snacking. My levels are still really good, and I still feel pretty good.

Let me take this opportunity to stress to you readers, that eating is not meant to be for entertainment or enjoyment. It is simply so that our body can make energy and fuel from it. Things such as pancakes and doughnuts, or even most sugar-laden cereals do our body no good in terms of fuel. I know it is easier to say these things (trust me; I am my own worst enemy).

Now for what is really on my mind. For the first time in my life I am starting to really be afraid of being single. That being said please let me explain. I LOVE being single! I LOVE being able to go wherever I want, with whoever I want, whenever I want. I LOVE the fact that for 29 years now, the only real heartache I have ever felt was as a direct result of deaths of people that I love. I also love the fact that I have been able to see other people’s true loves and “not so true” loves – and I am able to see that love is more about respect, communication, trust and loyalty rather than passion, jealousy and physical attraction. For so many years, I have convinced myself that someone will meet me, get to know me and truly fall in love with my spirit. Not necessarily want to jump my bones, but want to be around me for the rest of their life, want me to be the mother of their children. I have a beautiful spirit (I think). It’s disheartening to think about a future in a world where I may never really know what being in love feels like.

The last guy, with whom things did inevitable "not work out with", and I have remained friends. I recently got up the nerve, and brought up to him my curiosity about what my biggest problem was - why it is that the men I want to be around, either friend zone me right off the bat, or end up becoming not interested pretty quickly. And his response to that was that I lacked confidence. That I created doubt and problems that were nonexistent and then tried to convince my other half that these issues were real. While this is not the easiest thing to fix about one’s self, I now have a base line for my improvements. When I started looking at my confidence though, I was startled. I am confident about every aspect of my life EXCEPT for my confidence in my ability to be enough for someone. I am confident that I am funny, smart, and fun to be around. I am confident that I can cook, clean, take care of myself. I am confident in my family and friends. I am confident that I will be okay in any situation. But for some reason when it comes to men, I am not confident in the slightest. I don’t believe that what they want is me. I don’t believe that they are attracted to me. I don’t believe that they would be happy spending the rest of their lives with me. So that, my friends, is my predicament. How do I improve that kind of confidence in myself?

Six months later

I had my six month post-op visit over the weekend, and while I am happy to announce that most of my co- morbidities have been cured and I have lost a total of 105 lbs., I am also not where my surgeon would like me to be.  I must admit that I have become lax on the strictness of my high protein – low carbohydrate diet.  While as a lifestyle change, I am much more focused on protein, I had begun to add in carbohydrates at an alarming rate and also add in liquid calories (Starbucks – eek!)

Over the last month I have really started to notice the change in my thinking when it comes to food as being a fuel and no longer a comfort/joy.  I have started to get annoyed with people who fill their bodies with nothing but processed foods or high sugar drinks, and then proceed to complain about the way they feel.  Again I find it strange being the biggest girl in the room, but being the healthiest.

These past few months have been emotionally reeling, and where I would normally turn to food as a comfort or a solace.  I find myself abandoning it!  Where I would once eat an entire package of Oreos after a fight with a friend, I now skip meals at a time finding it hard to enjoy it at all.

For those of you who have followed my blog since the beginning, I am in my first wedding next month – as Maid Of Honor, and must say am pretty excited about the way the dress fits!! I also tried on my first pair of high heeled shoes.  I am one step closer to accomplishing some of my goals.  I am far from thin, but I am also far from where I have started.  As the lab tech so eloquently put it on Friday, “Hell, you have lost a Titans cheerleader!!”

I also came in contact with a lady at my work not to long ago that was a complete stranger.  She went out of her way to comment on how I had lost a lot of weight and asked how I had done it.  I explained to her about the surgery and my lifestyle changes, and she said "Well you look great," instead of stopping with that compliment, my co-worker went on to say, "I am also trying to lose weight, but I am doing it the hard way!"  For those of you who think that this way (surgery) was an easy way - I recommend that you think again.  While my successes have been more immediate, this was and is not easy! I still have to diet and excercise with the rest of them.  My smaller stomach is just a tool.

The plan is to hit the diet hard again for 30 days and go back to my surgeon.  I am feeling great and looking even better than that ;)

Celebrations & Mournings

This week marks two huge events in my young adult life.  I have reached 100 lbs loss since my surgery, and I have also experienced my first loss of a friend. 

Saturday morning of last week I was at work when I received the call that my dear friend, Michael Willinger, had been killed in a car accident.  I couldn't believe it - refused to believe it - until I spoke to my mom moments later who was already in tears.  Within the next two hours I felt every emotion one could feel - regret, joy, sorrow, confusion, anger, anxiety, love, but most of all I felt empty.  Other than the loss of my paternal grandparents I have experienced NO loss in my life.  I have been very fortunate.  This news rocked my world.  Immediately I began to rack my brain about the last time I saw Michael.  The week before he had come to my neighbor's house to help putting up a pool.  I instantly regretted not giving Michael a hug.  He, like his twin brother Marcus, had the best hugs ever.  He was hot and sweaty and I was in a bad mood - so I didn't.  Please if you are reading this ALWAYS hug those you love - ALWAYS.  The week to follow was hard.  The arrangements were made for Friday, due to Fourth of July holiday, and the fact that Michael was one of twelve siblings that had to travel to Kentucky from all over the country.  At the funeral, the pastor gave an opportunity for loved ones to speak out in memory of Michael.  There were so many things I should have said, if only I could.  There was no way at that point in the service I would have been able to mutter coherent sentences.  So I decided to blog what I would like to say so that I have the chance to say it.

I met Michael in elementary school.  He was much younger than I, but his brothers were great friends of mine.  When Michael was in middle school he became good friends with my brother, Max.  Michael, his twin Marcus, their friend Jamison, and Max were always together - getting into something.  For the next 8 years, off and on, I saw Michael on occasion and he always brought such joy into my life.  He had a laugh, a smile, and hug incomparable to any other.  During Michael's service his mom and dad were both able to speak of the fact that the joy they felt while parenting Michael held no comparison to the sorrow that they are feeling at this moment.  They said that they would live with this much pain for the rest of their lives to do it all again.  I feel the same way about being his friend.  He brought me so much more joy in his life than he has sorrow in his death.  I am sure that I will see Michael smiling on the other side one day, and I am getting that hug - even if he is hot and sweaty.  Michael has left behind 11 siblings, 6 of whom I am very close to - I intend to hug every one of them everytime I see them as well. 

So in conclusion, while I have met one of my 100 lbs goals - there are far greater things weighing on my heart and mind.  As I continue to heal my spirit, my body will continue to get to where it needs to be.  Thank you all for your continued support, and I apologize for these longs lapse of entries.  Keep my mind, body and spirit in your prayers.

Getting Busy

It has been a month since my last post.  I know that many of you are curious as to what I am feeling, how I am doing, if I am still trucking, etc.  Life has definitely changed for me.  In many ways, I am grasping for ways to keep things somewhat normal.  Of course, this attempt is futile.  Everything about me has changed.  I have spent this last month, trying to spend as much time as possible with my family and closest friends - "getting busy living" - because my new life motto is "If you aren't busy living - you are busy dying!"

I have an exciting summer planned - full of vacations, dinner parties, and celebrations!  As far as my diet goes - I am eating normal foods (just very little bits).  The only foods that I am to steer clear of are raw fruits and vegetables and sweets.  I am on a low calorie, low carb diet - but that is a lot easier now that my stomach holds approximately 1/2 cup of food.

I am having trouble getting my liquids in, but the protein has not been a problem as of yet.  It seems that the foods I want to eat are mostly protein-heavy foods.  As of the last time I weighed, I was down 70 lbs.  I have gone from 412 - 342.  I have an appointment next week, and we are coming  up on the 3 month visit.  People are really starting to notice my weight loss, and as my family said this weekend, the "life" is back in my eyes. 

I am still looking forward to doing many of the things I have been unable to do thus far in my life.  As far as my personality goes, I am not sure if it has changed.  I am a little more subdued and cautious then I have been.  I am probably not as much fun, but I can still love recklessly and am hopeful that the future is full of joy and laughter.  I guess you would have to ask my friends, about whether or not I have changed. 

So - there it is, in five paragraphs or less - my progress!

6 weeks post-op

Friday I went for my 6 week post-op appointment, and while my weight loss has slowed, I am still on schedule  with my recovery.  The last week I have been experiencing a significant amount of fluid retention causing my legs and ankles to swell significantly! I was nervous about this (since I decided to google the causes of this) but was encouraged when my surgeon explained that my body was in "survival mode" and this would pass. 

So since the beginning, I have lost 60 lbs. nothing the last two or three weeks, but since I lost so much in the beginning - this also is considered normal.  I am on soft solids and can eat  most meats, cheeses, eggs, and cooked vegetables. 

One thing I learned at my appointment on Friday is that we, as humans, are supposed to have half of our body weight in ounces in water daily.  So, my 350 pound self should be drinking about 175 ounces of water daily (it is no wonder my body thinks I am starving it). 

The last two weeks have been MUCH better for me physically, I have been able to do more excercising and just all around feeling better.  I was worried Post Op weeks 3&4 that I wouldn't make it - but I did and life is going on.  I am so ready to get this Spring/Summer activities well under way!